Potential under the radar Free Agent signing could make all the difference for the Blue Jays
It was early in the season in 2010 when a group of players in the visitor's bullpen at Rogers Centre would notice something was askew with a fan in the right field bleachers.
It was suspected, and furthermore later reported by various sports media sites that this fan, clad in white, was tipping pitches to Blue Jay hitters by flailing his arms over his head every time opposing pitchers threw off-speed pitches thereby providing an unfair advantage to Jose Bautista, among others.
Joey Bats, was about to be born-again as the pre-eminent power-hitter in baseball. He would go on to hit 54 homeruns that season, the bulk of which were laser-beams into the Toronto stratosphere. The game seeming became very easy for the Jays right-fielder that year, almost like he knew what was coming.
Fast-forward to current time, and perhaps it is time to seek out that same individual-in-ivory to provide the current line-up any and every advantage they can muster at the plate.
Where has this mysterious character been for the past dozen years? Well, most recently as rumour has it, he has spent the last 4 seasons predominantly floating around the Yankee stadium outfield (along with in visitor bleachers across the league) accompanying a certain 6'7» behemoth who has bashed 196 4-baggers to establish himself as the baddest bomb-hitter of our generation.
This followed a 3-year stint, where our fellow-in-frost was employed as the clubhouse garbage attendant for the Houston Astros, where he would gain further notoriety as the maestro of bin-bludgeoning that would orchestrate a handful of runs to the World Series, in what was likely his most impactful career performance.
Never one to discriminate, following his initial stint in the 416, the master-in-alabaster also focused his free time in between jobs perfecting a special substance which pitchers could secretly apply to their fingertips to create a super-human grip on a baseball. This would increase the spin rate on the baseball leading to sharper breaking balls and revolutionize the game, giving a leg-up to hurlers throughout the league.
It has been a long, strange journey for the purveyor-in-pale since his unceremonious introduction to majors, but along the way, he has made as significant an impact as any player throughout his time, just in a lesser spotlight than most. But, as 2025 edition of the Blue Jays need all the help they can get in order to make the upcoming season memorable in an effort to provide hope to their fanbase and reasonable retention of their soon-to-be free agent superstars, an off-the-radar signing of the chalk champion may be just what the doctor ordered.
Or, we as fans can reserve our hope that Juan Soto will somehow see Toronto as his best choice to chase down multiple championships over the next dozen seasons, and maybe, if that is the case, we wouldn't need a return engagement with the mysterious man-in-white after all. Either way, the beauty of being a fan is being able to overlook reality sometimes, and instead engage in silly notions that provide a modicum of belief that ridiculousness will override the hard truth this franchise is truly facing this off-season. Even if it means inventing a crazy solution like someone who can to do it for them, just like their opponents did way back in that spring of 2010.
